No Log; Lots of Rest; Analyses; Interviews

Last week, I had gotten sick (a cold or flu or something) and I had hoped it was only just lingering a bit, but I think I’ve had walking pneumonia for the last week plus, or so.

I stopped keeping a log, stopped keeping track of the smoking, drinking, treadmill, et cetera, because it was pretty much non-existent. But then I started smoking when I could (how pathetic is that?!) and of course, that’s when I think whatever infection I had became pneumonic (is that a word?).

It seems to be on it’s way out; I’ve been getting LOTS of rest, as I’ve had no motivation or energy to do much at all, I’m so short of breath. Last week, it felt like my whole upper body was bruised but then it eased up and I only minor upper back pain.

My smoking is directly affected by listening to the the stop smoking tapes – but I’ve fallen out of listening to them, like so many new year’s resolutions. I just really hate having to lie down and listen to them and be still. It’s so damn boring.

Coaching is going well; this last week has just been sucky because of physical health and no gusto as a result. Creatively, I’m totally dry too.

On the upside, I’ve done several cost-benefit analyses on limiting Facebook time (I’ve been a ridiculous FB addict), trying to develop a regular sleep pattern (been trying all my life, to no avail), work search, and addressing financial matters. I’ve also placed these exercises into slideshows that I can view while on the treadmill. Since my two month episode, I’ve also done kind of a “creative visualization” exercise, in which I role-play being on the phone with neuroscientist. It may have actually paid off (it feels silly doing it though). When I last talked to him I told him the same things I’ve told him the last few times – basically, “Sorry, but I don’t want to do it.” And it’s sincere, so I don’t know if it comes from just not wanting it or also from these “rehearsals” or they simply reinforce the former. Of course, it’s the unforeseen impulses I have to worry about. Nevertheless, things are going well.

I miss exercising, which floors the fuck outta me, let me tell ya…! But I really enjoy the time it gives me to concentrate on certain issues, without having to experience the anxiety of being too still, as in meditation. Regarding the cost-benefit analyses – I’ve spent at least about a full hour on each one, so I’m kind of itching to start viewing them while on the treadmill. I have more faith in cognitive behavioral techniques than “surrender.” But I guess we’ll see.

As for the log entries – it should be easier to create a table in a blog, without having to learn HTML or some shit…! Like I don’t have enough to do!

BUT — thank goodness I have two job interviews coming up. Finally! Woohoo!